"Hey! Whatcha do that for?"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

A horse, a politician, and the pope all walk into a bar on a sunday afternoon/
The bar tender looks up and asks, "is this some sort of joke?"

:D rofl

who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
???

i don't actually know i just really wanted to say something to get this link alive again.

rofl out

OH! I need to post my favouritest joke of all time…

What do cool rappers eat for breakfast?
Cheeri-yo-yo-yos!

Brothers and sisters have I none but that man's father is my father's son. Who am I talking about?
…my son…

There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first runs and never wearies. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never good.
…water, fire, earth and wind…

It's been around for millions of years, but it's no more than a month old. What is it? It's been around for millions of years, but it's no more than a month old. What is it?
…the moon…

As I went across the bridge, I met a man with a load of wood which was neither straight nor crooked. What kind of wood was it?
…sawdust…

What is it that you will break even when you name it? (now this is cool)
…silence…

I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness
…the letter S…

Lives without a body, hears without ears, speaks without a mouth, to which the air alone gives birth.
…an echo…

When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing.
…
…
…
A RIDDLE =]!

hope u liked em! the queen of lists has struck again!

Celestial Jimmy

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL(enter)
(continue here)LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL… And so on.

Let's keep posting and inviting more people, everyone!

Men are like public toilets… they're either taken or full of crap.

Men are like parking spaces…. most are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Men are like buses… miss one and another one will be along in 5 minutes.

LoLz I have quite a few guy friends too………………. and they AGREE! haha >.< Jokes, anyways!

70 year old George went for his annual physical. All of his
tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George
everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally,
emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good
relationship with God?"

George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when
I get up in the middle of the night, poof!…the light goes on &
I go to the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!" "Wow,"
commented Dr. Smith, 'That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.
'Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great.
But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with
God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The
light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes
off?'"

Thelma replied, "Darn fool! He's peeing in the fridge again!"

Me and my buddy were going to get some Lager to have over the weekend. We saw that the sign said 10 % off so we went in to get two cases. The lady at the desk multiplied 10 % by two and gave us 20 % off…

:D
-Celestial Jimmy-

"Never been used!"

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

ROTFLOL! :)
Celestial Jimmy

GENIOUS.

*GENIOS.

*GENIUOS.

Wait, I'll get it this time.

*GENEEUS.

…

GENIUS. :D

There was once this guy named Joe. He said to his friend, "I don't mean to brag or anything, but I am the most popular guy in the would. Literally everyone knows me."
"Oh, really," says his friend. "Would you like to bet on that?"
The set up a bet for $1000. Joe's friend was given three chances to find someone who didn't know Joe. First, his friend picked Tom Cruise. Joe says, "Oh, that's easy. We're best buddies!"
So they fly out to Hollywood. Joe knocks on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom invites Joe in. They spend the rest of the day at his house.
The next day, the friend said, "Well, I think you got lucky on that one. But I'm sure you don't know the President."
Well, they travel to Washington DC, and phone the President. He says, "Well, I have a meeting with some international delegates, but I can skip that. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?"
The friend is stunned. "Well, there's got to be one person who you couldn't possibly know. Let's go see the Pope."
So they cross the Atlantic and go to Vatican City. When they get there, it's packed.
Joe says, "Well, I don't think we can both get in. I'll tell you what. I'll go up myself, and come out with the Pope onto that balcony and I'll wave at you."
The friend waits, sure he has won the bet. No way Joe can even get in, much less talk to the Pope. But one hour later, he sees the Pope come out next to none other than Joe!
Joe looks for his friend, and waves. Suddenly his friend faints. Joe rushes down to see him.
"Are you okay?" he asks. "Were you that shocked to see me on the balcony with the Pope?"
"No," the friend replies. "I fainted when I heard the guy next to me say 'Hey, who's up there on the balcony with Joe?'."

uberLOLs!!!!!!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

HI THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**

btw i added a new joke to the knock-knock section
the only reaso0n i put it there was because it was aknock knock, not just your regular typical random piece of lolness that we post here

And the Number one top OXY-Moron …

1. Microsoft Works

Whoever may be reading these…i hope you like them cuz it seems no ones on anymore and…im lonely…Iron Man?…T-Mat?…*sniff*
WHERE IS EVERYONE!?

… Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

… Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

… Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

… Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

… Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

… Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

… Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Ok ok so not ALL guys are like that! i know some who only WALK at the first sign of emotion!:P no no jks jks. i love guys. u rock. rock on boys rock on!

Like that one T-Mat??
Celestial Jimmy

a better joke!!

k
what u get when u cross t-mat with ketchup?
?/?

t-Mato!!!!!!!!!

:D

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah-ha?
get it?
not really?/?
k how about this

waht u get when u cross t-Mat with science?
???

:Dinosaur!!

k u gotta get that.
it's a dinosaur with a smiley in front… get it now?
…

DUH!

k so that was bad, big deal
least i thought it was a bit funny
:S
boy, now i don't even get my own jokes… what's happening to me?…

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her…

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

YO MAMA SO UGLY
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
YO MAMA SO STUPID
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

So there you are! another list of stuff. oh yea i get these jokes all from the same site. brother told me about it
http://www.ahajokes.com/ym06.html

Celestial Jimmy

**Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.

Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.

Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
A: You can't!**

In…your…face! ok now here are some insults ;) sorry im the queen of listing things:P
**INSULTS
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!**

:)Theres some. how so u like em??

**celestial jimmy*

once there was a web page. it was amazing fun cool awesome and perfect in every way.
the best people from all over the world would come and post on it, contributing to its glory.
Then one day they all stopped. Posting. except for one little person.
one day when that little person logged on to see what was happening he found the site regected
and un updated for a very long time.
Needless to say he went ahead took the advantage ro wreak havoc and blame it all on the site's administrator.

Moral of the story… post, people, post!
i feel rather lonly here on my own and may start causing havoc if no one updates this thing any time soon.

quickly loosing rofls out

jk lololololololololololol. welcome to lolwiki

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade…true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said…'Holy sh_t! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.

1. take your age in years
2. multiply this by 4
3. divide it by the number of kids you plan to have or already have
4. add 12 times 2 (if ur a guy) or 3 (if ur not a guy)
5. subtract the number of times you have a stress break-down per month on average)
6. add 7, because it's a luck number
7. add 300 divided by your age
8. flip a coin, if heads add 6 times the value of that coin in pennies. if tails, subract 7 times the value of the coin in pennies.
9. if you are under the age of 20 you may add 60, if not to bad.
10. add the number of the month you were born in, then subtract the date.
11. divide this all by 100.

congratulations you now know how many days you have left to live!

He doesn't know anything about carburetors!"

A blond, a brunette and a redhead were…. wow. I just realized we haven`t had any blond jokes. I really should start a new thread for that. It would have like 500000000 posts in like 3 days!!!!!! Oh well just write them as replies to this.
Anyway…

A blond, a brunette and a redhead were robbing a house together. They cleared out the bottom floor and were going to rob the second floor, where the master bedroom was.
As the brunette went up the stairs, he stepped on a creaky step. C-R-E-A-K!!
"Who‘s there!" Came a shout from upstairs.
"Meow! Meow!" said the brunette.
"Don`t worry, it`s just the cat!" said another voice upstairs, and the brunette started hauling away their electronics.
The redhead started going up the stairs andstepped on a creaky step. C-R-E-A-K!!
"Who`s there!" Came a shout from upstairs.
"Meow! Meow!" said the brunette.
"Don`t worry, it`s just the cat!" said another voice upstairs, and the redhead began stuffing all their jewelery into a sack.
Then the blond went up the stairs, and stepped on a creaky step. C-R-E-A-K!!
"Who`s there!" Came a shout from upstairs.
Then the blond said,
"Don`t worry! It’s just the cat!!!!!!"

And I think this deserves another… AS CO-RULER OF LOLS!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Hm…

LOL

"I don't know, I don't throw boulders off cliffs."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

cruel, indeed.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

2 men were walking in the woods
lololololololololololololololololololololol
they came across a pair of tracks
lololololololololololololololololololol
one said deer tracks
lololololololololololololololololololol
the other said rabbit tracks
lololololololololololololololololololololololol
while the were arguing, the train hit them both
roflroflroflrofl
rotflol
roflwaffles

el oh el guyz
roflcakes out

ok, here's another!

Doctor: "We have some bad news, and some worse news."

Patient: "Gimme the bad news."

Doctor: "Your lab tests came in and said you have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "What could be worse than that?!"

Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

LOLOLOLOLOLOL idk if anyone else finds that as funny as I do….. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL……

I actually LOLed in real life from this!!! GOOD ONE!!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma`am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turns to Her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to Her husband and asks again, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer Her license. The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I`ve ever seen." The woman turned to Her husband and asked, "What did he say?" And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOL oh no LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOLOLOLOL my finger….LOLOL is stuck LOL
OLLOLOLOLOL on auto LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
HELP LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

*explodes*

The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with
them but, I haven't a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The
clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the
zoo!"

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a swell time. Today I'm
taking them to the beach."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Word.

He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't
worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the
hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and
since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?"
and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did
you come up with for my son?"

The brother replied, "Denephew.

LOLOLOLOL I LAUGHED SO HARD FROM THIS!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

BTW, all my jokes aren't original, therefore, I shall use this post to give credit to all those smart jokers out there like the guy who made this one! :)

If you suffer from high blood pressure, simply cut a slit in your veins, thus leading yourself to bleed for awhile. This should relieve the pressure.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your big toe with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

Avoid arguments with your signigicant other about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegies by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Found at: 950.net (Jokes Site)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL

the man said "ok, what is it for?"

the boy replied "I have to wash my bird"

the man said "with bleach!?! that will kill him!!!"

so the boy argued for a while that he really needed some bleach, so the clerk finally gave in and gave the boy some bleach.

The next day the kid came back, and the clerk asked him if his bird died.

the kid said "yep, but it wasn't the bleach, I think it was the rinse cycle."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

(ok that wasnt that funny, but I needed to say it)

why wasn't I the one to figure that out???

on this 101 day of LOL, I am appointing XIronmanX as the co-ruler of lols

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

congatulations, XIronmanX I would like to reward you with this piece of plastic wrapping I just found on the ground, but I cant send it over the internet, so too bad

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
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sweet