Other Misc Jokes (new posts)

Blonde Jokes: Re: Blonde Jokes

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 02:01:28 +0000

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were on a boat together in the middle of the pacific.
All of a sudden their boat runs out of gas.
So they swim to a nearby island and try to assess their situation.
The blonde decides to take advantage of the warm sunlight to do some tanning, while the brunette and the redhead go exploring for food. Neither of them are successful.
After an hour or two of looking around they find the island is quite small, with no fresh water, and no food.
Suddenly the brunette shouts to the blonde and the redhead, "Hey! Look what I found!" In her hand is a golden lamp.
The blonde ignores her while the redhead runs over to see. "what's it do?" she asks.
"I dunno. I just found this lamp on the ground." replies the brunette.
"You should rub it like in the movies."
"ok," the brunette rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.
"taadaa! i will grant each of you one wish for releasing me from my lamp!" declaires the genie.
The brunette stops to think. Finally she says, "you know, I have lots of friends back home who would miss me if I stayed here, so… I wish to go home."
Instantly she disappears, and is back home with her friends.
"You know what," says the redhead to the genie, "thatsounds pretty reasonable, so… I wish to go home too." In stantly she disappears and is back home with her friends and family.
By this time the blonde notices the disappearance of her friends and looks around her.
She sighs, then says to herself,

"Man, I wish my friends were here."

LOLOLOL nother good one!
:P :) :D

Blonde Jokes: Re: Blonde Jokes

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 01:48:39 +0000

A blonde and a brunette were driving down a road, in their car, when they pass by a house.
Outside the house in the front yard is another blonde sitting in a rowboat rowing… In no water!
So the blonde in the car rolls down her window and shouts as they drive by, "It's blondes like you that make the rest of us look dumb!"
The brunette says to the blonde, "you wanna pull over and go teach her a lesson?"
The blonde replies, "No thanks."

"I can't swim."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLLLOLOL>LLL

Blonde Jokes: Re: Blonde Jokes

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 01:18:52 +0000

A blind guy walks into a bar. He taps someone on the shoulder and says "Hey! Wanna hear a great blonde joke?"
The guy turns around and says, "Hey, buddy. I'm blonde, the bartender's blonde, the weightlifter in the table next to us is blonde, and so is the contruction worker in the corner. Are you sure you still want to tell you're blonde joke?"
To which the blind guy responds, "No, I don't think so.

I don't want to have to explain it that many times."

lolololololololololololololololololololololololololol

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjokes: Re: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjoke

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 04:41:19 +0000

lolololNO

Blonde Jokes: Old Blonde Joke

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 02:37:44 +0000

Ok, this is an older blonde joke that i posted in the lolololololololjokes thread before this one was made.
I am now placing it in its proper location.

It shall be noted that I was the first to suggest this thread.
It shat also be noted that so far I am the only one to post on this thread. I am officially surprised.

Anyhow, here it is!

A blond, a brunette and a redhead were robbing a house together. They cleared out the bottom floor and were going to rob the second floor, where the master bedroom was.
As the brunette went up the stairs, he stepped on a creaky step. C-R-E-A-K!!
"Who‘s there!" Came a shout from upstairs.
"Meow! Meow!" said the brunette.
"Don`t worry, it`s just the cat!" said another voice upstairs, and the brunette started hauling away their electronics.
The redhead started going up the stairs andstepped on a creaky step. C-R-E-A-K!!
"Who`s there!" Came a shout from upstairs.
"Meow! Meow!" said the brunette.
"Don`t worry, it`s just the cat!" said another voice upstairs, and the redhead began stuffing all their jewelery into a sack.
Then the blond went up the stairs, and stepped on a creaky step. C-R-E-A-K!!
"Who`s there!" Came a shout from upstairs.
Then the blond said,
"Don`t worry! It’s just the cat!!!!!!"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjokes: Re: A LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjoke

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 02:28:36 +0000

a snail walks into a bar on New Year's Eve. He goes up to the bartender and asks for a Coke.
The bartender says "Eww, a snail!" and flicks him off the bar and out the door.
The next year on New Year's Eve, the same snail walks in. He goes up to the bartender and says,

"Hey! Whatcha do that for?"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Blonde Jokes: Yet Another Blonde Joke

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 02:04:59 +0000

These two blondes are working on a construction site. One has a job hammering on the siding with nails. However, when he reaches into his nail pouch, sometimes he hammers them in, but sometimes he throws them away. The other blonde notices and walks over.
"Why are you throwing away all those nails?" he asks.
"Well," says the other, "when I pick some up, some of them are defective; they face the wrong way!"
"You idiot!" shouts the first.

"Those are for the other side of the house!"

Blonde Jokes: Another Blonde Joke

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 02:00:48 +0000

a blonde, a brunette and a redhead are walking in the forest.
The brunette looks down and says, "Look! Deer tracks!"
The redhead looks down and says,"Look! Wolf tracks!"
The blonde looks down and says, "I can't figure out what these tracks are!" and then is hit by a train.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Blonde Jokes: A Blonde Joke

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:57:24 +0000

how many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to hold the light bulb and the other to turn the ladder!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Blonde Jokes: Blonde Jokes

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 21:46:31 +0000

Welcome to the blonde jokes thread! :)

this is the place for everyone to post their blonde jokes.
(I made this because, thanx to Dr. Doom, i have been informed that this is the other major joke type, as opposed to cannibal and knock knock jokes.)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjokes: A LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjoke

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 04:33:23 +0000

here's a good one i read in a book of jokes for people who hear too m any jokes…

A horse, a politician, and the pope all walk into a bar on a sunday afternoon/
The bar tender looks up and asks, "is this some sort of joke?"

:D rofl

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjokes: Re: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjoke

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:52:21 +0000

I think Dr Doom's been dreaming about a future girlfriend… ~~
**
0

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLjokes: Me

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 01:07:24 +0000

Me. I did it. I stole the cookie. I really did. I am so sorry. It just…came over me. I do not even know what hit me it just…I am so sorry -_-

Miscellaneous Jokes: Re: LOLOLOLOL!

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:58:49 +0000

many thanx a plentiful! ;)

Miscellaneous Jokes: o man

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 20:45:39 +0000

i laughed so hard

Miscellaneous Jokes: LOLOLOLOL!

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:19:48 +0000

OMG, I LOL-ed so hard from this!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and in response to your first statement in your post, "MachoTomato r osome", LOLOLOLOLOL. :D

Miscellaneous Jokes: All menonites ye rejoice!

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 01:06:51 +0000

Lol, totally osome, er wait, awesome.
only I am allowed to be used in the same scentence as "osome"

any way

A menonite man and a lawyer get on a plane to LA. Coincidentally they happen to end up sitting next to each other. As the plane takes off, the menonite falls asleep, while the lawyer pulls out his laptop and cell phone an begins answering conference calls and such.
Several hours into the flight the lawyer finally finishes his business and begins to get annoyed with the menonite's snoring. So he wakes him up and offers to play a game with him to pass the time.
"Eh?" grunts the menonite, unsure of what he means. (they do not play games often btw, and mostly only ones like knip-sprat [kroekeno] and skip-bo.)
"Here's the game", says the lawyer, " we each take turns asking each other questions. But we'll offer cash insentives to keep the game interesting"
(I should probably let u know, menonites DO NOT gamble ever.) The menonite looks confused, so the lawyer continues, "If you get my question wrong, you give me $5. But if i get your question wrong i'll give you $1000. Mind you, I don't get questions wrong, and you're allowed research if you can't figure it out on your own."
The menonite nods his head. "alright, you first."
"Very well," begins the lawyer who boots up his laptop and begins searching for the hardest questions he can find. "Ok, what did Bernuli's principal state about airflow dynamics?"
the menonite reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
The lawyer smirks, pockets the change and says, "ok now you try"
The menonite pauses for a second then says, "what goes up the hill with three legs, and comes back with four legs?" he then pulls down his cap and reclines as the lawyer begins web searching.
About an hour or two later, and after several phone calls to experts and colleagues, the lawyer finally wakes the menonite and hands him a $1000 cheque.
The menonite accepts the cheque and pockets it, before saying, "Alright, your turn," and then pulls down his cap again.
The lawyer leans over and says,
"what goes up the hill with three legs and comes back on four legs?"

The menonite hands him a $5 bill.

Miscellaneous Jokes: Re: Miscellaneous Jokes

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 21:29:23 +0000

thanks bro :P

Miscellaneous Jokes: LOL!

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:25:58 +0000

LOLOLOLOL!!! Man, that was good! Nice one!

Miscellaneous Jokes: xD hahaha

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 21:20:39 +0000

nice and heres another animal joke
discretion its kinda twisted

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

told you it was twisted